


To Be A Mother

by Cherumie



Category: Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler
Genre: Death, Demons, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Murder, Rituals, Sacrifice
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-13
Updated: 2020-12-11
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:20:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,428
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26434054
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cherumie/pseuds/Cherumie
Summary: Something happens to Grelle that sends her into a spiral of depression that leads her to commit a great sin in exchange for a chance at happiness. But how far will she go and how much will she sacrifice?
Comments: 1
Kudos: 9





	1. Checklist

**Author's Note:**

> It's my fanfic account and I can have two ongoing stories if I want to. This story is a lot darker than The Anarchal Initiative. Other than that I'm not sure what to say other than enjoy!

Her plan is perfect. Grelle has thoroughly thought of everything that could go right or wrong during the grave sin she is going to commit, and has made sure that it will go smoothly no matter what. It has to. This had to work. She's not sure she could take it if she failed.

She looks over her checklist once more and counts out the supplies she's gathered. Chalk, candles, chains from the reaper realm, duct tape, a dagger, the ancient texts, an abandoned building where she won't be bothered, and a great sacrifice. The sacrifice is the only part that hasn't been prepared already, but that will have to come last. Grelle isn't even sure if her target will work anymore after what happened, but she knows that her feelings for him are still there, despite what he's done to her. Her greatest love and her greatest enemy. He'll be gone soon. Well, if the plan works, which it absolutely will because it has to.

Despite her highly detailed plan, however, she still feels a pit in her stomach at the thought of what she must do. To summon a demon, one must make a hefty sacrifice, whether it be a family member, an aristocrat, a powerful being, or, in this case, a loved one.

She sets her list down on a nearby table then approaches the mirror in a neighboring room. She looks herself over and finds the usual mess of unkempt red hair and bloodshot eyes with heavy bags. She hadn't been getting much sleep ever since William had…

She begins shaking as the events from a few weeks ago rise in her thoughts and shakes her head wildly to alleviate her mind. When that doesn't work, she slaps herself. She needs to focus, have a clear mind. She looks at herself once more, this time with a determined expression, and decides to start with her teeth.

She sticks her thumb in her mouth and quickly runs it from one side to the other, flattening her bottom row of canines. Then she does the top and uses her tongue to make sure they’re all normal. Next, she runs her bare fingers through her ruby tresses, and they begin to bleed into the color blonde, following her hand. She moves her fringe to cover up half of her face in a style reminiscent of that old reaper she’d fought and brought to dispatch once upon a time. Lastly, she exchanges her red glasses and chain for the round ones she used while acting as a butler for Madame Red. Her new appearance, combined with her women’s uniform, complete with a pencil shirt, medium black heels, a plain black bowtie, and a crisp white blouse, stuffed with stockings to give the illusion of breasts, makes her seem like a completely different person than her usual loud and flamboyant self.

Finishing up, she glances at her pocket watch and finds that it’s seven o’clock. Time to go. She leaves through the front door of the old creaking house and heads toward dispatch through the darkness.

-

By the time she reaches the office, it’s raining cats and dogs outside. Luckily she gets inside just before the storm really begins, so she’s only half-drenched. She wrings her golden hair onto the concrete at the steps of the building and then enters, making an effort to appear shy and mousy so as not to raise suspicion. Hopefully, there would hardly be anyone doing overtime at this hour, and those that were and didn’t recognise her would assume that she’s some poor new recruit stuck with extra work already. Fortunately, the case seems to be the former, as only a few workers are scattered throughout the office, each too engrossed in their own work to give her a thought. She ignores them and makes haste towards her soon-to-be former boss’s office.

The office outside of William's room is blessedly empty. Grelle doesn't know if she could handle pushing off Ronald if he caught her in that moment. She puts her ear to his door and hears nothing but the scratching of pen on paper. She removes her head from the wood and places her hand on the doorknob. She takes a deep breath to take in the scent of what could be the last she'd ever see of her workplace and opens the door.

William’s office doesn’t have much of a different atmosphere than the rest of the building. He looks up from his work when he hears her come in, and her eyes dart around the room from behind her fringe before meeting with his own. He looks back down and continues signing off on paperwork. There are two stacks in front of him; the one on his right for finished work and the one of the left for unfinished. One is drastically taller than the other.

“May I help you, miss?” He asks nonchalantly. Grelle hesitates, knowing she'll blow her cover if she speaks, but decides that it no longer matters.

“Yes, actually.” She half-heartedly attempts to put on a lighter voice, but she can tell by the stilling in his pen’s motions that he recognises her immediately.

“Grelle.”

“Yes?”

“What are you doing here?” He looks back up at her and maintains eye contact as they speak, not trusting the other enough to look away. Grelle does the same. “Is this about-”

“About what? About what happened at the banquet?”

William clutches his ink pen tightly.

“No…,” she lies as she approaches his desk, hand brushing the wood casually, “I’m long past over that little issue, darling.”

He sighs, and the tension in his shoulders dissipates. It’s a foolish mistake for him to believe her, but perhaps he just desperately wants to think that she really can forgive him for what he did. He leans back in his chair.

“Then what is this all ab-”

The moment he lets his guard down, Grelle strikes. The hand that had been running along the side of his desk snatches one of his pigeon shaped paperweights, and the other darts at his throat in the blink of an eye, squeezing tightly. William grasps at the hand blocking off his air and grits his teeth, but before he can attempt to reprimand her or plead for his life, the paperweight comes down on his head, and his world goes black.

\- 

Getting William’s incapacitated body out of dispatch is a surprisingly easy task. Grelle is stronger than she looks, and the building where she once worked was almost empty at this time of night, allowing her to easily escape from her boss’s window and return to the human world. Her heart is beating wildly as she runs through the human world, too quickly for any mortal to notice her. The cold night air rushing past her and turning her cheeks and nose pink is perfect for the events that would take place soon. She arrives at her hiding spot fairly quickly and kicks open the uselessly loose door, hauling William’s body in with her. He grumbles in his sleep a bit, scaring her, but she then realises that it’s just from the difference in temperature and lighting. She plops him down unceremoniously in a corner of the room and grabs her checklist, marking off “a great sacrifice.”


	2. Ritual

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi lol
> 
> I'm still alive! I just ran out of imagination juice for a few months but I'm back again so expect some more story updates probably.

By the time William wakes up, Grelle has already bound him with chains and returned to her true self. She’s just finished drawing the summoning circle beneath him when she notices him coming to. He’s nearly blind without his glasses, but as his eyes dart around the room for some sign of what is going on, he notices a red blob at his side and immediately tries to berate her and demand that she stop this nonsense immediately, but is stopped by the tape across his mouth. Grelle notices his muffled sure-to-be reprimands and decides to ignore him, for now. It’s still dark out, so she lights a few more candles around the room along with her oil lamp. William can’t see much, but he can tell by the candles, his position on the floor, and Grelle’s uncharacteristic somberness that he is in grave danger. Beginning to panic, he attempts to break his bindings and he would have succeeded if she hadn’t anticipated his resistance and used special chains from the reaper realm that were made of the same metal as their death scythes. Grelle had to go through a lot of trouble to get those, but she was glad she did, since normal bindings certainly wouldn’t have worked. Finishing up, Grelle takes a good look at the room and, satisfied, bends down beside William to rip the tape off of his mouth rather aggressively.

“Where are my glasses?” Is the first thing he says after a breath. He’s glaring daggers at her blurry figure and she giggles.

“I think I dropped them somewhere on the way here?” His jaw falls and she snickers at the look on his face.

“You-?!” He’s about to let her have it when something is suddenly shoved onto his face and he blinks as the room comes together. Grelle is grinning like a cat above him.

“Try not to move too much, darling, you might disturb the circle.” She says, grabbing her book to read over and standing up to pace the room.

“Circle?” He tries his best to look around where he’s bound and his heart begins to race when he realises what exactly is about to happen to both him and his captor.

“Grelle,” He begins sharply and takes a moment to swallow nervously, “you don’t have to do this. If it’s about what happened at the party, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry but don-”

Grelle silences William with a high heeled kick to his stomach that leaves him coughing up his lungs for a moment. Suddenly, she seems a lot less playful and more furious.

“You’re sorry? For what, William? What are you fucking sorry for!?” She shouts at him. She removes her foot from his stomach to allow him to answer and he breathes for a moment before responding.

“For… for assaulting you at the party...for embarrassing you in front of everyone-!” She kicks him in the face now and he’s sure he’ll have a black eye if he lives through this.

“You still don’t remember do you?” She says with a vicious gaze. She then returns to smiling at him with her shark-like teeth. “Well I’m not telling. You’re going to die a miserable death at the hands of me and you don’t even get to know why. You were extremely drunk that night, after all.”

“Think of what’s going to happen to us- to you! We’ll both be sent to Hell! Christ, Grelle, think about the consequences of your actions for once in your miserable life, god damn it! Th-” At this point, Grelle has heard enough. She interrupts William by slapping the duct tape back onto his mouth, which is enough to momentarily silence him before he snaps out of it and attempts to scream at her further from behind the tape.

“Quiet, you.” She half seriously orders and then snaps the book shut and throws it aside. She begins the ancient incantation and William screams louder. Maybe he’s cursing her, maybe he’s praying. She’s beyond caring.

“Veni Egredimini et videte quis claraque sumpturum de flammis inferni, princeps nocte tenebrae levasti manum exemit adiuuante,” She begins, picking up the dagger she left nearby and slowly walking around him, playing with the blade with her fingers. “...qui effuderit sanguinem super bestia importunae nefaria cenet.”

“Sub tutela eius in mille facies lunae et,” She says, positioning the dagger over William’s ribcage. He looks into her eyes as a final silent plea that falls on blind eyes. “...mecum foedus inire.”

The moment the last word leaves her mouth, she drives the dagger through her former love, killing him. He gives one last scream and his body goes slack, eyes going unfocused and hazy. She's done it. For a second, nothing happens and Grelle holds her breath as a thousand thoughts of what would happen if she had failed race through her mind. Suddenly, however, for better or for worse, a black, spiraling tower engulfs William’s body and she takes a step back. Countless eyes cover the mass of it and Grelle has trouble focusing on whatever it is she’s looking at. The eyes all look in different directions before one by one they all settle on her, and she swears she sees the creature smiling, despite its lack of a mouth.

The demon is here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I miiight post a fic about what happened at the party, I dunno. Would y'all like that? I'd obviously have to be very careful how I do it it it'd still be pretty dark. Anyways uh Merry Christmas!


	3. Contract

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you like this chapter! This fic is a lot of fun to write :)

"Well, well, this is most interesting," Comes a voice, echoing throughout the room, "You've paid quite the hefty price to summon me here. A reaper calling upon a demon? This is most unusual."

The spiral of eyes takes the form of different animals as it speaks, seemingly unable to settle on one, but each creature smiles at her menacingly.

"Long time no see, darling." She half-heartedly flirts despite what’s happening. “I’d say you look good, but, well…”

The creature chuckles at her boldness.

“What do you want from me, Grelle Sutcliff? You’ve paid quite a price for me to appear before you, so I shall do exactly as you wish. Destroy me, use me, free me, whatever your wish may be, I shall grant it.”

She gulps and attempts to make eye contact with the thing that’s apparently settled on a black wolf for now but finds herself unable to.

“I want… happiness, that’s all. Just a chance to live a life that’s not full of mistakes and regrets and hardships. I just want to forget everything and be happy…” Her eyes heat up as she speaks and tears spill from her emerald green eyes as she pleads with the demon and she doesn’t bother trying to rub them away. The thing’s grin somehow widens further.

“A contract then,” it says and she nods, “Humans are such greedy things. A creature like you knows good and well what will happen to you now that you've chosen this fate, yet you actively choose to sacrifice others for the sake of something as inconsequential as 'happiness.' Very well then. We shall use this hand of yours which has brought upon unspeakable suffering both to others and to yourself."

A hand appears from the lingering smoke to grab her left one and another appears to rest on top. Grelle allows it, thinking it almost prince-like. Light flashes where their hands are touching and an incredible pain sears through her entire body, mostly concentrated at her hand. She snatches her arm to cradle it but finds that the pain is gone as quickly as it had appeared, leaving behind a symbol inbedded in her skin. The contract seal. She is now bound to Sebastian, whether she likes it or not, for all eternity. There's no turning back and changing her mind now.

"Now then, reaper, allow me to take on a form that would suit someone in your position." The creature turns to smoke once again and then reforms into the familiar sight of Sebastian Michaelis, butler uniform and all. He smiles at her in a sinister way that she's never seen from him before and she finds it horribly off-putting. Regardless, she gives him a smile back, not one to be bested in regards to smiles that make people's skin crawl. He holds out a gloved hand for her to take and uses his other hand to create a small table and two chairs. Grelle hesitantly places her right hand in his.

"Right this way, master."

"Mistress, if you don't mind."

"...Of course." He smiles, this time a bit more strained.

'Horrid creature,' she thinks. He leads her to one of the chairs and she steps carefully over William's body to sit. He goes over to do the same.

"Now we must discuss the terms of our contract. 'I wish for happiness' is a bit too unreasonable for me as it's not specific enough to be a tangible goal. Is there a specific act or state that would bring this 'happiness' to you? You should know how far my power can go, so don't be shy."

Grelle settles into her seat and regards the creature in front of her, watching him carefully. He may look like Sebastian Michaelis now, but this thing smiling at her was no longer bound by his previous master to be the perfect butler or even tell the truth. He was entirely autonomous, which was extremely dangerous. She's already had plenty of time to think about what she wanted, but being face to face with him now made her doubt herself. She honestly thought her happiness would be a good enough goal for the situation so she was a bit thrown by being shot down immediately. Something that would make her happy… a tangible goal… There's one thing that comes to mind immediately and she almost doesn't want to tell him in fear that he'll laugh at her.

"Then how about… a child?" She plays with the end of her hair and looks away from him. "Of my own, I mean. I'd like to bear a child on my own."

Predictably, he chuckles and Grelle's face heats up a bit.

"How predictably absurd." He shakes his head, but keeps smiling. "Bearing a child in your current body would be impossible. You'd need to use another one of your three wishes to wish for a female body and womb."

"Three wishes…?" She asks.

"That's my usual number." He states simply. "To make it easier for the both of us."

"I see…" she says, holding her hand in her chin. She didn't know she could have more than one wish. "Then how about this; my first wish is for you to help me achieve a woman's body, womb and birthing, and all."

"That can be done. Now on to wish two."

This time she speaks without hesitation.

"For wish two, you are never to bring harm to me or my child."

He smiles.

" I commend you for thinking ahead, Grelle." He says, canines peeking out from between his lips. “But that will not do. I need another soul in exchange for your wishes, you see. The contractee's will do finely.”

Grelle gives him an unamused look.

“I know how you demons work, thank you. If I die after childbirth, then what’s the point of all of this? The child would likely die on it’s own, after all.”

The demon frowns. Grelle tries not to snicker.

“Don’t worry your pretty little head. I’ll get you your soul. As long as my wishes are fulfilled.”

“I see.” He sighs, "That will do I suppose. Then, your last wish?"

"My final wish…" She thinks for a second, then decides on the obvious answer. "You will follow my every order, so long as I call you by your first name first."

"I assume you mean the name given to me from you? That's fine," it says, leaning back, "but what will you call me? I can remain 'Sebastian Michaelis the butler'' if you like or I can change my identity all together."

She thinks for a moment.

"A butler wouldn't suit someone like me, I think. Since you'll be helping me bear a child… a midwife, perhaps?"

"A midwife, hm?" He snaps his fingers and disappears in the blink of an eye, replaced by a woman with the same face. She's wearing a modest black dress, black heeled ankle boots, black leather gloves, and has her black hair pinned up in an elaborate updo with a black bow hanging from it. The creature speaks again, this time in a woman's voice. "Is this to your liking?"

Grelle's mind is swimming from attempting to watch the creature change, but she gathers her bearings and gives her a once-over. The woman in front of her looks like a perfect lady.

"That's fine, though I'll miss looking at your handsome face. As for your name..." she says, then scrunches her eyebrows in thought. "How about… Sebrina Michaelis?"

The midwife gives her a smile.

"How appropriate," she says and Grelle can't quite tell if she's mocking her. "I see the inspiration for the surname, but where does Sebrina come from? Another love of yours, perhaps?"

Grelle shrugs.

“It simply seemed fitting considering how close it is to ‘Sebastian’.”

"So that's it, then? Those are your three requests?"

Grelle thinks for a moment and then clasps her hands together.

"That's it."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I settled on "Sebrina" for the former butler so she could still be called "Seb" :)

**Author's Note:**

> What did William do to Grelle, you ask? I'm leaving that up to the readers' interpretations. There's a canon answer but it's pretty bad so I'd rather not say.


End file.
